ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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