I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
