So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
