So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
