: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
