my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize