Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
