Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
