thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
