I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
