i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
