Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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