moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
