I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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