So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
