I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
