Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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