She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
