Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
