yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
