apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I smell like Dick and happiness
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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