dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Are my feet made of real feet?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
