You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
