You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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