Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
