so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
