we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sober January is a disaster.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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