Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
