it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
