Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
