shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize