i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
