we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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