I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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