i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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