i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
