i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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