If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
