you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
