In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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