I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
