A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
