What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
