Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
