I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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