Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You need Xanax blowdarts
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
