i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
so much tequila, so little girl.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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