you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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