Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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