More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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