I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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