Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
