Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize