I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize