Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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