I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
