I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
