She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize