More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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