just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
