Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
