pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
