I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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