the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
