Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
