Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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