he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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