quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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