Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
