im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
