:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
