Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
